God told me the attacks would come. So I lay in wait for you with eyes wide open. It’s ok for them to come. They are necessary, I suppose. Everyone has to heal in this situation, and it is only through time and prayer with God that we can heal. You are absolutely right judgemental one. I do have an imperfect past. There are bruises and sin in my life. Who are you to judge? are you perfect? God says no one is perfect. Remember the story John 8:1 – 11 “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone”.. Are you ready to throw stones? I can take it because I’ve had my life laid out in front of me. My imperfect life is what God desires to use. He told me to tell my story so my story will be told. Maybe my story isn’t for you. I will say one thing though, it is not meant for man to understand. We do not see things the way God does. When God gets ahold of your life and completely realigns you with his will, it doesn’t always make sense to the world. It doesn’t make sense to me or anyone else involved for that matter. I have been through my time of questioning and asking God the “whys and whens”. Its no use, and I keep hearing “I’ve got you”. So I carry on knowing what I know that no one else on earth will comprehend. My hands aren’t clean, as we all are sinners. I don’t claim the garment of innocence, I claim Gods will. That’s the only choice I have.

I am sorry for hurting others. I am more sorry for letting others hurt me. God has a plan for me. And unfortunately for the others involved, it has nothing to do with you. Your scars will heal. Your cuts will cease to bleed such as mine did. You can’t go on taking people for granted. One day, they will wake up and God will shake them back to life and unveil the truth that was dormant in them for so long. Does it make you feel better when you condemn? Condemnation in the tongue is very shallow and self serving. A true christian does not judge. a true christian is full of patience and understanding and true happiness for someone being released from their chains of bondage. I don’t judge you even though I know your past also. I know you are imperfect. I know things about you that you dont want me to know.. You can play perfect if you want. Maybe that makes me a little bit better. I will play the sinners card. That is who I am. God made me that way. I love you for you, and I could only hope that you have the love of Christ within you and can love me for me. If you can’t that is ok too. Its not your time; maybe you are the one not ready. go on with your judgements. I will be fine.

Matt 7:2-5 “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged [if we judge with an evil heart or dark intent, His judgment of us will reflect it; if we judge nobly with honesty and justice, His judgment of us will reflect that, too], and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you [if we use extremes or exaggerations or other ignoble means, our judgment will reflect it and judging with fairness and compassion will garner likewise in His judgment of us]. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye [point out his sins, “minor” in Jesus’ example here] and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye [our own sins, even and especially those we will not admit, magnified by our selective blindness]? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ [tell him of his “minor” sins] when all the time there is a plank in your own eye [that there are greater or the same sins in our own lives which we do nothing about or think we are above]? You hypocrite* [pointing out the sins of others while by pretense thinking of ourselves as above sin], first take the plank out of your own eye [sincerely ask the Lord for forgiveness and learn and live the Truth and Light by His Word], and then you will see clearly [be in a righteous position] to remove the speck from your brother’s eye [to judge and to help him out of his bondage to sin].” At Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea and the region across the Jordan, Jesus was talking to the multitudes gathered there after hearing of His message and of His healings to beseech them to not become like the pharisees and hypocrites who think they are above sin.

It was all supposed to happen. Destiny per say. I can’t even try to make you understand. Even if I tried to with endless explanations, you still would not comprehend. And that’s ok too, I have learned – It is not your story. It is mine and mine alone. My life has been changed from this point. I had not anticipated a 180 degree turn about, but I am not apologetic that it turned out the way it did. God is good. My story begins here and now, and yours is still forming. You have much to do still. Just pray without ceasing, and get to the point where God reveals all to you. If it is meant for you to understand what I understand, God will allow you to. If not, then I will just go on and be misunderstood throughout this process. I don’t expect understanding from this world around me. I myself don’t understand it to entirety. All I know, is God has my attention and I have his. From now until eternity I will walk with his guidance.

God used what he had to get what he wanted out of my life. Things didn’t start out the right way, I know. But knowing that – I was able to appreciate what followed. When God showed up I knew it was God and no one else. I have no doubt in my mind where life has to lead from this point on. I gladly accept my marching orders. I am the servant. I’m sorry that I cannot be the bandaid for the cut. It’s just not part of the plan. Had I not been shown what I’ve been shown, and felt what I have felt, I might double back and think twice about things. But there is no thinking twice here. I was aligned at Gods perfect timing to re-stage my life and begin again. Onward. Looking back only leads to more stumbles and falls, and I refuse to look back at this point, it’s no use.

It’s hard not to look back I’ve learned. Especially when looking and living “back” has been your life’s momentum for years. When it’s time to move forward it seems that’s the toughest gear. Rear view mirrors are always smaller than the windshield. We are meant to look ahead and Not back. It doesn’t make it easier or less tough. We more or less trudge on. The further we get away from our current ordeal, situations, and problems the easier the walk seems. The devil wants you to look back. God wants you to look forward and take those steps in the right direction. You cannot move forward until you let go and quit focusing your sights in the rear view mirror. Lay it all down. Ask God to search you once more and reveal anything that may be out of place or for that matter, order. Do not keep looking back. There is nothing back there for you anymore.