“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”
We humans place a lot of stock in our own reasoning and understanding. We think that because we don’t “see” it, or can’t “imagine” it, that the probability is non-existent. I’ve learned a lot of things recently. One of those things is never doubt God or his promises to you, no matter how unworldly, or ridiculous they may seem.
I am completely different than I was. My life is completely different than it was just one year ago.
Sometimes, I just sit and think about where I was in life, who I was in life, and I see why God decided to knock me off my high horse and take me off the road to mediocrity. I write this blog post this morning with a thankful, indebted heart.
This past year has proven to me that there is something bigger and better, higher and greater than I had ever expected. I have seemingly always believed in God. As a child, I would talk to him, pray to him, ask him things. Now, looking back – I believe he was answering me – I just didn’t realize it then. I was headed in the wrong direction as an adult. I didn’t see it because I was so blinded by the business of life and all the things the world had on it’s shelf for me. Now, I crave the peace and quiet. I would rather sit alone in a coffee shop and be at peace inside, watching the world pass by in their daily routes in a tizzy. I was there. I am much calmer now. Much more sure of what life will be, and what God wants from me.
I tried to lean on my own understanding for years. I was so beat down in my circumstances and tied that I never even tried to escape them. I never even prayed for escape. I prayed for love.
‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
Love came to me. However, not in the form I had imagined it would. Actually, far from what my prayers intended. Nonetheless, my life was filled with love, and my cup overflowed. I do not claim to undestand. In fact, I still don’t understand what has happened to my life, or the “me” that used to live in it. I no longer desire this world or the things of it – it all seems so superficial, and dim compared to what I have known and seen.
Be careful what you pray for.
I often think that I don’t recognize anything about my life anymore. But I find a peace and happiness in knowing that I am firmly placed in God’s hand. For the first time in my life, I stopped running away from my will, my duty, my path. I fought God, but ultimately he won. Now I am ashamed to think that I even put up the fight. I will never understand God’s love fully. I can’t wrap my human brain around his mercy, forgiveness, and faithfulness. However, I do know that he has given me all those things.
It is well with my soul.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.
for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
And your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left.
For those of you who don’t know what Brookshires is – it is a grocery chain here in Texas, like a Publix, Winn Dixie, or Food Lion would be. The Blog You Rang, God? reminded me about this story that has yet to be told. I used to believe that God only showed up on Sundays. I thought you could only touch God through being in church. Boy, was I mistaken.
One evening I went to Brookshires to pick up three simple items: Pepsi, Advil, Little Debbie snack cakes. My trip inside wasn’t going to take that long, so I didnt even bother getting a cart. I picked up item #1, gathered item #2, but when I got to isle 10 to pick up item #3… my knees buckled. I was with my boyfriend at the time, and he laughed at me as my legs wiggled beneath me and said I must’ve been so blown away by him my knees buckled. I laughed, and said “No buddy, but I know what this feeling is and I must get out of this store!” I grabbed my item, rushed to the check out, and went straight to the car. There I felt the wind of the spirit come over me and I began to shake uncontrollably.
Now in retrospect this part of the story is funny, but then it was just wild… He walks out to the car and sees me shaking like a leaf and almost convulsing in the driver seat (I was parked..btw, you can’t drive while in a full on holy ghost fit). Anyways, he was ready to call 911 and hospitalize me. Poor thing, he didn’t understand. To be honest, I can’t say that I did either. I just told him to go away, that God and I had some business to tend to. Needless to say he didn’t leave so what ended up happening was this….
I got the holy ghost, touched his hand, then he got the holy ghost. So here we both are, in the middle of Brookshires parking lot, fully lit, cars driving by, security camera fixed on us.. and I am convulsing inside the car, he is shaking outside the drivers side door, and we are both looking mighty silly looking like clucking chickens.
He ended up falling out on the concrete before God let go of him. Once that happened, I got the spirit of laughter, and couldn’t quit. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed..Oh, It was quite a sight to see. When I die, I’m gonna ask for God to replay that for me. I think I will get a kick out of that.
What I didn’t know, was he had never experienced the holy ghost before. He also never spoke in tongues. Well, those two things changed that night. God is definitely real. Tongues is real. Holy laughter is real. God will show up on Sunday in church, and on a Monday in a grocery store.
Oh what a life!