When you pray: “Thy will be done oh lord”, it’s easy to say. That’s about all it is. We all remember
let thy kingdom come, let thy will be done as in heaven so upon the earth Matthew 6:10…..
Well we said it for years, but did we ever get it? I know I didn’t! It took me far too long to really realize what “Thy will be done” for my life truly meant. I can’t have all that I want. I can’t do all that I want. I can’t achieve all that I want….ALONE. And if god doesn’t want those things for my life, I just gave him permission to take those things out of my life via verbal contract. Make sense??
I wanted my will. But I prayed for God’s will. Honestly, how stupid. Words, words, and more words – yet I never put the connection together. I guess the idea of thinking “ I am a good person” and I am really doing no harm in my actions, meant that I must be achieving gods will… sewn into mine- of course.
I’ve banged my head against enough walls, and been on the wrong side of decision making for years.
I learn the hard way I presume.
Finally giving it all, and accepting Gods will is TOUGH. Especially when he tells you, for the most part, exactly what he expects from your life and time on earth- and you don’t like it. I said “but god, I don’t wanna do that” I don’t wanna work there, I don’t wanna live there, I don’t wanna…Yadda yadda yadda.”
We humans are so full of ourselves. The day I finally got it, I was angry! I did NOT want all the things God obviously had in mind for me. I wanted my selfishness still. Me! Me! Me!.. Mine! Mine! Mine!
Yeah, I said it. Thanking God for his mercy right now….
If god and I were in a boxing ring together, surely he would have a couple teeth bite marks on his forearm. I FOUGHT. I fought incessantly, and I fought with fire. Then…months later, I gave in. I simply threw in the boxing gloves, threw my hands up for the last time and said “Thy will be done oh lord.”
Life has been better since I finally nodded along with God, rather than fighting. As I sit here I picture cattle in the field walking head-to-tail on that narrow winding trail beaten into the ground for them. (maybe that’s the Texan in me) But that’s what happened I guess. I got in line. I quit playing around and got serious about Gods will for me.
We should all be doing the same.
It’s amazing that when I started telling my story – the sheer amount of people that begin to open their hearts to me and share their own personal trials. I can’t help but think that I am right where I am supposed to be. God places people in my life everyday that opens a new door to minister to someone. Show them that I care and that I do – in fact – understand their situations. Comparing situations with strangers seems somewhat peculiar, yet I have gotten my most fulfilling conversations out of them lately. I am truly amazed at how lives are so intertwined – though you would never notice it at all unless you spoke out.
Maybe that’s one of the lessons I need to learn. It is ok to hurt. It is ok to cry. Sometimes leaning on a strangers shoulder and unbiased ears is the best way to cope and mourn. I vow to not let any person walk into my life ignored. I vow to be a shoulder to cry on, and also be just as weak and vulnerable as I need to be to heal. When you try to be strong, you only hurt yourself. That single act alone can suffocate you. It falsely controls you. I am strong when I am weak. That is the best truism is I know.
I can’t wait to see who else walks in my life unexpectedly this week. Who else am I supposed to talk with? Who else needs to hear the story that is completely and individually mine? Who’s story do I need to hear?
This next phase is truly exciting.